Zucchini "Spaghetti"

I am so excited about my new kitchen gadget. I learned about it when watching a video on my favorite YouTube Channel - Lean Secrets.If you have never seen her videos, I highly suggest subscribing to her channel.  Here is the video that inspired me.

In my efforts to reduce the amount of processed foods I consume, I was totally excited to try this out. And when I logged onto Amazon and saw that I had some rewards points to spend, I immediately ordered this spiral vegetable slicer:

Here is my zucchini on the slicer.

I crank the handle and the magic begins! Out comes the spirals.

I chose to put the "noodles" in a Ziplock Zip n Steam bag and microwave for 2 minutes. This is not necessary, though.

Rather than making meatballs, I browned a pound of chicken Italian sausage to make meat sauce. Just top with meat sauce, and voila! Dinner is ready

 This was absolutely delicious! I didn't miss the spaghetti at all!.

The slicer comes with two other blades to make other types of slices. But even if I only ever use it to make zucchini noodles, it is a worthwhile investment for me.

Formerly Food Addicted #8 -Knowing Who I Am

It feels so good when you go several days in a row with no binges. I am making mostly healthy food choices, and enjoying it. My weight is back to moving in the right direction (check out my Weigh in Wednesday page each week).

I recently started reading Brain Over Binge. I haven't finished it yet, but I had sort of an epiphany while reading. The book reminded me that the binge behavior that beckons me is not really who I am. It is a struggle I have, but it is not representative of the real me. On a regular day, my inner desire is not to eat horrible foods in astronomical quantities. Even in the midst of a binge, it feels like there is a war going on - the part of me that doesn't want to binge is very much present, but has given up. So, in light if these thoughts, and the thoughts shared in the book, I was reminded that I do not have to give in to the binge. It is not who I really am, so I don't have to do it.

I thought it would be helpful to define who I really am and want to be as it relates to eating, so that I can refer to it when the monster appears:

I am striving towards optimal health

I have a healthy relationship with food

I enjoy eating a variety of nutrient rich foods

I continue to educate myself about nutrition

I eat minimal amounts of sugar and processed foods

When tempted to binge eat, I can be victorious through Christ because "....the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4b

Rather than entertain what the binge monster would have me taste, I would rather "Taste and see that the Lord is good..." Psalm 34:8a

Even in those moments when the compulsion seems unbearable

And I feel I can only get relief by giving in

I am reminded that I WILL NOT BE MASTERED BY ANYTHING

" All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything" I Corinthians 6:12

I am free

Formerly Food Addicted #7 - Arrrrggggghhhhh!

Arrrggghhhh! Well it is Weigh in Wednesday and I am so frustrated. I’m not at all surprised by the scale, but still frustrated. That’s the thing about binge eating. You can have an awesome week with no binging, and the weight starts to fall off. But, if it is followed by a binge week, your progress is erased in an instant. That is what happened in the past week.

Below you will find a food log from a few days - have I ever told you how much I despise food logs? But they provide useful information. I had a couple good days, followed by several binge days. I define good days as days that I stayed away from refined sugar and flour. The "good" days are by no means perfect. I also did the painful work of writing down what was eaten during binges - at least most of it.

Day 1 

Breakfast - chicken andouille sausage; protein shake (protein powder mixed with water)

Lunch - "steakhouse buffalo burger" (whole foods); broccoli with mixed peppers

Dinner - 6 meatballs in marinara sauce

Day 2

Breakfast - Chicken andouille sausage, 2 eggs with feta cheese crumbles cooked in coconut oil

Lunch - Meatballs in marinara; broccoli with peppers; large fries

Dinner - 3 slices of bacon and 3 strawberries - not hungry, but didn't want to go to gym on empty stomach

Post work out snack - 2 slices bacon

Day 3 (got up at 1a.m. to drive to 2 1/2 hours to be with my mom who became ill; I consider this a day of stress eating and overeating,  but it wasn't a full blown binge.)

4 miniature 3 musteers

4 cream filled cookies

Sausage egg and cheese muffin from burger king

Krispy Kreme apple pie (individual size)

Box of Nerds candy  (Large 6 oz box)

Turkey and cheese sandwich

2 cheese coneys (6 in each) and chili cheese fries

3 more cream filled cookies

Pineapples

Day 4

Breakfast - 3 slices bacon

Snack- 1/2 chicken  breast

Lunch - 4 large strawberries ; walnuts & almonds (100 calorie pack)

Dinner - Calamari salad

Day 5 (Binge day)

Breakfast - 4 slices of bacon

Lunch- 10 nuggets and fries from McDonald's, snickers ice cream bar

Binge: large cold stone ice cream with cookie dough, individual apple pie, box of jolly rancher chews, two small pizzas from Donatos, bag of chips, 4 ocean spray cranberry juices,  fries

Day 6 (Binge Day)

Didn’t record breakfast or lunch Day ended with a binge

2 large donuts; 8 donut holes, 2 cookies, frozen breakfast sandwich, piada sandwich,  3 orders of loaded fries from White castle

Day 7 (Binge Day)

Breakfast/lunch - 6 Jimmy Dean breakfast croissant sandwiches, 2 bananas

Dinner/Binge: 2 orders loaded fries, 2 sliders, oreo ice cream sandwich, "texas smoked sausage" sandwich, cheese roll up (Taco Bell)

It is what it is…I am where I am. It’s a little daunting to think how long it will take to undo this damage, so I am just going to take it one day at a time. Every Wednesday, feel free to check out my Weigh In Wednesday tab. Hopefully I will have some better news to report next week.

Formerly Food Addicted #6 - Hospital Awakenings

My mom is in surgery right now. I have been at the hospital since 5 a.m., so I thought I would share my random musings.

As I was sitting in the waiting area, I couldn’t help but hear the conversations going on around me. I drifted into a conversation of the lady sitting behind her who was on her cell phone.

"Yes, I am calling to see how my mom is doing. May I speak with a nurse please? Thank you"

Judging from the bags under her eyes, I could tell she'd had little sleep. Concern pierced her voice as she responded to the person on the other end. "What? There are problems with her heart? I'm sorry, we have a bad connection. I am in Cleveland right now at the Cleveland Clinic because my daughter is having brain surgery….OK, so mom has to go to ICU? Can I talk to her?"

This poor lady has a mom somewhere in ICU with heart trouble, and her daughter is having brain surgery! I can’t even imagine.

I moved to a different waiting area to help pass the time. In the smaller waiting area, another conversation captured my attention. There was the one guy – you know, the one who feels the need to talk the entire time anyone is seated near him - who was telling his story. "...Yeah, it was like we were tag teaming. I had a heart attack. Then once I got better, she was diagnosed with cancer." Others chimed in about their cancer experiences. Everyone else in that waiting room was there for someone who was having cancer related surgery.

Mr. talkative shared more. "They had to remove her spleen. Her spleen weighed 5 1/2 pounds by the time they removed it. Now the cancer has spread, so they are taking her thyroid out today. We've been here 15 or 16 times since she's been diagnosed. We live in Erie, Pennsylvania. So, every time we come, I have to pay for hotel expenses. You would think the insurance company would help you pay for that.” Two ladies in the room then shared about their loved one's diagnosis and treatment of colon cancer.

My mom is still in surgery. But the conversations of strangers are awakenings for me. I am awakened to the need to continually be thankful. Though there are lots of hard circumstances in life right now, I am reminded that it could be worse. I will pray for those stories I heard today. I will also pray for myself. I will continue praying that God will deliver me from the monster of binge eating. I know that I am slowly self-destructing from my unhealthy eating patterns. Ill health could potentially be my fate. I pray that the unhealthy binge foods will no longer have a grip on me, and that I can walk in freedom to make the healthy food choices I desire.

Formerly Food Addicted #5 - Overeaters Anonymous

I was listening to a health themed podcast the other day, and a woman shared her positive experiences from going to Overeaters Anonymous. She mentioned that her chapter encouraged members to abstain from sugar, as sugary foods can lead to binges. I have only been to about 5 OA meetings, but particular foods were not mentioned when it came to abstinence. Most people spoke of abstinence as it related to days without binges.

Still, it seems logical to avoid sugar. Aside from the obvious reason that refined sugar lacks nutritional value, it is interesting to consider that the sugar actually promotes binge behavior. I have been pondering lately the food-mood connection. For so long I attributed the "monster" of binge eating to my emotions. The more I read about nutrition, the more I am starting to believe that certain foods feed the monster. Perhaps being free of those particular foods is just as important as the prayer and counseling and support groups.

So, are there any OAers out there? Are you encouraged to avoid sugar?

Formerly Food Addicted #4 -Garbage Eating

Well, giving up sugary foods during Lent has been a challenge at times. Overall, my time spent in prayer is increasing, and that is the main purpose of this fast.

I will admit that it hasn't been perfect. There was that box of brownies, and that episode lead me to what is dubbed the "secret shame" in the video below.

Those who struggle with binge eating disorder/food addiction know all too well about the secret shame of garbage eating. It's when you've gotten so fed up with yourself in the midst of the binge, that you throw the food away in order to save yourself from further damage. You know - you bought 12 cupcakes, and after eating 10 of them (in addition to the other foods that were a part of the binge), you throw the last two away. Your hope is that by putting it in the trash, it will be off limits. But unfortunately, when the binge monster strikes again, you find yourself digging through the trash can, frantically searching for those 2 cupcakes as if they are you life source. It doesn't matter that they're buried in trash. You sit there, feeling helpless, and out of control. And you eat them, because it's the only way to get the monster to stop it's nagging.

I've been there so many times. I've never shared this with friends - before now - because it is so embarrassing. Still, I have hope.

Formerly Food Addicted #3 - Fasting

Fasting is a spiritual discipline practiced by many Christian denominations (and other religions too for that matter.) In the past I have done full fasts and partial fasts. Though it can be a challenging process, it always resulted with a feeling of spiritual renewal. But in the last few years that my food addiction has been out of control, I have not attempted to fast - because the last time I attempted one, I ended up binging, and I felt so defeated.

I decided to give it a go, on a small scale. During the Lenten season, I have decided to give up refined sugar - cupcakes, candy, cookies, donuts, etc. I chose sugar, for one, because it will definitely be a sacrifice for me. But it's not only sacrificial, but symbolic of my struggle against the compulsion to binge. Binges always consist of sugary treats or other unhealthy foods. So I feel that this fast is in essence waging war against the desire that seeks to control me.

I entered this fast with a different perspective. Instead of fearing failure, I go into this accepting my own limitations. I go into this acknowledging God's power to help me overcome temptation. I go into this acknowledging that God loves me enough to forgive me if I mess up, and He will receive me when I try again.

To all those fasting during this season, may we all grow closer to God and experience a spiritual awakening.

Formerly Food Addicted #2 - A Day in the Life

So, unfortunately the past week has been full of binges. It's so embarrassing. But, I still believe that one day this will be history...a part of my former life.

My weight is up to 266 now. The good news is that I know it will go back down to 260 if I can just make it a few days without a binge. Though I am sure binge eating disorder plays out differently for people, here is an example of what it looks like for me.

The day started out well. Eggs and an orange for breakfast. Sausage and peppers for lunch. For me it is usually evening when the insatiable desire to devour strikes. I'm usually not even hungry at the time. Still, there is this beckoning that won't let me go. So, I give in. I generally only keep healthy foods in my house, but the binge "requires" junk. My first stop was the grocery store to get cupcakes. I was hoping that this would be enough to calm the raging monster. I ate the 6 cupcakes I bought from the bakery, but the monster continued to haunt me. I headed out again, this time to a a specialty burger shop. Before entering the shop, I called in an order for a pizza so that I could be ready once my burger was done. Now armed with an overloaded burger and a pizza, I made one more stop. At the Taco Bell drive through, I bought a steak quesadilla and bean burrito.

I came home, put in my Frasier DVD, sat on the floor, and ate. I was still full from the cupcakes, and felt stuffed by the time I finished the burger - it was a "Cleveland Style" burger, layered with cole slaw and fries, on a pretzel bun. But the compulsion kept urging me. So, I ate it all - the burger, the whole pizza, the burrito, the quesadilla. I was so stuffed that I couldn't move. So, I lay there on the floor and went to sleep.

I hope I didn't disgust you, and for those who struggle, I hope this didn't tempt you. I'm just hoping that sharing my secret shame will be a stepping stone on my path towards freedom. It's time for me to revisit some of those skills I learned when I was seeing a counselor.

Formerly Food Addicted #1 - Stats

Food Addiction...compulsive eating disorder...binge eating disorder...whatever you want to call it, it is something that I have struggled with for years. According to an online medical dictionary, binge eating disorder can be defined as follows:

"Binge eating disorder (BED) is characterized by a loss of control over eating behaviors. The binge eater consumes unnaturally large amounts of food in a short time period, but unlike a bulimic, does not regularly engage in any inappropriate weight-reducing behaviors (for example, excessive exercise, vomiting, taking laxatives) following the binge episodes." Source: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Binge-Eating+Disorder

It's more than just simply overeating. It's an embarrassing, shameful, problem that sometimes renders me feeling helpless and powerless. But I am not without hope. And I believe that this monster can be conquered! 

At my highest weight last year, I tipped the scales at 275 pounds. I lost some weight, but have put most back on due to a fracture in my foot that has been slow to heal. So, I stand now at 260 pounds. My immediate goal is to see 200 pounds, but ideally I could stand to lose a total of 100 pounds. I'm 5'9'', so 175lbs would be a decent weight for me. I have to admit that when I was losing weight before, I was exercising like a madwoman. That extreme exercise helped me to lose in spite of frequent binges that were probably 5,000 calories each. Since I have been off of my feet for 3 1/2 months now, it's a little harder to hide the damage done from my episodes. Still, I know from past experience that weight loss is almost 100% about how you eat. Exercise helps with toning, maintaining and gaining muscle mass, speeding metabolism, etc, but it's still possible to lose weight without exercise.

Today's stats

Weight: 260

Waist: 42''

Eating Behaviors: No binges today; semi-healthy food choices